Thursday, January 12, 2012

Five Minutes: Roar

The Gypsy Mama puts up a "5 minute" word challenge almost every Friday and leaves it up for a week. If I do the exercise, I post my results on Thursdays.

Here is my fourth effort at the 5 minute challenge. It was written late Friday afternoon, January 6, 2011. The word for the week is "roar".

Sometimes I love the silence. Okay, most of the time I would rather have the silence because sound can be meaningless. But, other times, I just want to shout and let it all out. That is part of a refrain in the song Shout sung by Tears for Fears that I sing with all my heart on occasion. I just can’t help myself.

There is some things within me that just long to be expressed and I have suppressed them in fear of rejection and ridicule from both society and family. I mean, I am already different. Why do or say something to really set myself apart? Oh wait, too late. I have already done this through misunderstandings and more.

I longed to belong most of my young life that I tried to be what others wanted me to be at the sacrifice of my self. In hindsight, I realize that nothing would have changed whether or not I conformed.

Lately, I find myself just wanting to take certain people by their shoulders and yell at them to listen – listen to your loved ones, listen to me -- just listen. I find it sad to see people talk over one another; but, never truly listen with their hearts. If only they would truly listen, they might discover who the other person is. They might even become a hero and save someone from themselves. And maybe, just maybe, they would not box me up in their memories or fantasies and let me be.

I find I just cannot express my thoughts and feelings verbally simply because people are not making the effort to listen, or worse, they laugh at me because they do not believe or understand. I also fear that I would be misunderstood.

This is why I have turned to written words and have done so since I was a little girl.

So, lately, I have been shouting through written words for my soul can no longer be contained. I have hesitantly shared some with the world and prayed for understanding. I have reached the point in my life that I no longer care what others think of me. But, I am still fearful. I hold secrets.

{I confess that I cheated and edited this piece a tad. This piece, for some odd reason, is very important to me.}
Shout! Shout! Let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on – I’m talking to you,
Come on

~Shout by Tears for Fears; 1984