Friday, March 2, 2012

Five Minute Friday: Ache

I should be doing things like the budget and chores. And, doing some sewing. But, here I am. When I spied today's word, I immediately started writing. There is so much more I could have written; but, five minutes is the limit. And, to be honest, I am glad of this rule.

As a reminder: here are the rules of this writing task. Make note of #1. Please be kind to me as I tried to stick to this rule.
1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.

My heart aches.

I confess that I wish things turned out differently concerning my mother’s situation. I confess that I often wished Mother had died instead of languishing away in a nursing home with a mind still strong. I confess I often cry out to God, “Why?!?” Why did he take Daddy first when he wanted to be there to take care of Mother? So, my heart breaks for her. My heart cries because I wish I can do more for her. I feel guilty. I feel like I have failed her as a daughter. Tears fall down my face.

My heart aches.

My arms are empty. I must be satisfied with the few times I see my young nephews, nieces and cousins and the glimpses of them on the internet in between times. Nonetheless, I grieve. But, I take solace in the arms of God. I convince myself if He really wanted me to have a child, He would have allowed it to happen. But, as it is… I am childless… I feel so alone at times. I have no family to call my own. Tears fall down my face.

My heart aches.