Thursday, May 27, 2010

Much Ado about Nothing...

I guess I am writing about the fact that I have nothing to write about. Ha Ha!

Oh, I’ve written a little here and there in my journals and whatnot. But, nothing I want to share with you guys as they’re deeply personal. Sometimes, I wish I could because I would so love for you to get a glimpse of me. In fact, I did write up something back in June 2009 with the sole purpose of sharing it with everyone. But, I chickened out.

So, I guess I will share a few of my random quotes. These are thoughts that came into my brain at the spur of the moment. Thoughts that just hit me with clarity while I’m out and about wandering, doing chores, or whatnot. I had to write them down for posterity’s sake.

NOTE: My man said the following upon reading my first draft: "you should expand on each of those quotes - what it means to you, why it came to you and why do you feel it is important enough to share with people." I asked "You think so?" His response was "No, I just said that to hear my head rattle. Of course, I think so. I'm just trying to encourage you to elaborate on things. WHY those quotes came to you, are important to you, etc., reveals more about who you are than the actual quotes do".

So, blame him for my turning this short post to a lengthy one. Also, blame him if you witness me going stark raving nuts with anxiety after I click on “publish”. Ha!

“Do not hate me for having thoughts of my own…”
This one some of you have already heard. This came to me when I first got onto facebook and started sharing my thoughts. I got so anxious and whacked out over the whole thing. I am just not comfortable expressing my true thoughts and opinions. By the way, I thank those of you who “validated” me when I put this quote in my status on facebook.

“We’re all human beings, not monsters! Although, some monsters are disguised as human beings.” (12/2/09)
I remember that my mind "shouted" the first sentence. And then, it quietly followed it with the second. I faintly recall at the time that people were calling those who have "evil" thoughts "monsters". It seems to me it was a blurb about a rapist, or a pedophile, or something similar that started it all.

I've always felt that people are not monsters for just having "evil" thoughts. Usually, a person immediately purges those "evil" thoughts from his/her mind. In other words, they don’t dwell on them.

It's the constantly thinking about, and then acting them out, that makes it monstrous. In other words, it's the acting out of their "evil" thoughts that makes a person a monster (evil). So, a monster could be disguised as a human being because that person encourages and/or willed it into existence.

“It used to be normal. But now, I don’t know what normal is. (12/29/09)”
Nothing is "normal" for me anymore simply because I had trashed what I thought that OTHERS considered "normal" for me. I pretty much don't care what others may think of me anymore. Well, I do care. But, I don't want to sacrifice my self anymore in the process. I'm trying to figure out what MY "normal" is.

I bet that doesn't make sense to you. Oh well, I tried. C'est la vie!

“If they get themselves in a fix, this doesn’t mean you need to box them in it.” (01/13/10)
I remember clearly how this came into my brain. I was thinking deep thoughts again while I was out and about running errands. I was approaching a car already pulled out in a left turn lane waiting for an opportunity to turn in the midst of heavy traffic. I instinctively knew to stop quite a ways behind him. The light turned yellow and then red. He got stuck in the middle of the intersection with no way out but backwards. I motioned for him to back up as there was plenty of room to do so and he did. And then, the above quote came into my brain.

My thoughts at this time were running along the lines of how people have the tendency to box people up in their own preconceived perceptions and ideas about who those people are. They even put labels on them. And, they will not let them out nor help them get out. They often will keep you in that box that is either your or their creation at all cost.

Why do people box people up? Label them? And then get shocked when that person breaks out? Or change? Or whatever? And, then try their hardest to put them right back into the box?

For example: My mother, and sometimes my family, will not let me grow up or expand from her / their preconceived ideas of who I am. Once upon a time, I had no skills in cooking. She didn't think I could cook. Whose fault was that anyway? No matter. I am digressing. Back to the point.

She has a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that I can and do cook well. There were times in the past when both Dan and I were in her kitchen. He would be guiding, helping, or just keeping me company while I did most of the cooking or baking. She would end up praising and thanking Dan for the meal, dessert, or whatever I had mostly made. He would correct her. I usually let it roll over me like water off a duck.

However, the last time something like this happened, it really irked me. I think it’s because some family was around and they too didn’t believe it of me. It’s like their minds cannot grasp such a concept.

Another thing, why do people who witness people getting boxed in something of their own making and will not give them a helping hand to get out? It is usually trouble of some kind.

It's kind of like that guy I mentioned who got stuck in the middle of the intersection because he was antsy and thought there would be an opening in time. Most people would have approached and stopped behind him at the point where he would have no room to back up and get out of the middle of traffic. And then, what makes it worse is that some people wouldn't even bother backing up if they can to help them get out of the jam.

Some just box people in and never let them out.

“You could let pain conquer you or you could conquer over pain.” (01/20/10)
At the time, I was experiencing pain in BOTH shoulders. I was recovering from a Rotator cuff injury in my left shoulder when I somehow managed to injure the right one with the same or a similar injury.

I was thinking about how painful therapy for the left shoulder was and how I could have let it (the pain) stop me. But, I pushed through and eventually, the pain lessened. I realized that therapy was a good thing in spite of the pain. It taught me to keep going and not to coddle my injuries.

This, in turn, made me think of my Daddy. He didn't let pain (injuries) stop him from doing anything. He pushed through.

So, you could let "pain conquer you" – let it stop you from living life. Or, you could "conquer over pain" – keep on living in spite of it. My natural inclination is to just quit. But, persistence is the key – just keep trying and don’t give up. This is not an easy thing to do. I know.