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Friday, August 13, 2010

Indiscriminate Contemplations


Indiscriminate Contemplations == Random Thoughts

On Our No Spending Month:

Today is Day five of our No Spending Month. So far, so good. There were times when I forced myself to put things back. For example, I was at Walmart the other day and noticed a clearance on some sleeveless shirts. I went so far to look some over and try a few on. I almost bought two; but, then I remembered my “pact” of no spending – no unnecessary spending.

I didn’t need any more shirts. So, I made myself put them back. For the most part, this is not all that hard to do. I/we lived like this for a long time before; so, this period is not difficult for me.

There were incidents where I groaned because a product would come across my desk (via email or blog). I’d want it so bad that I’d want to have a hissy fit. Moi? A hissy fit? I rarely throw a fit. Dan can testify to that. But, when I do, look out! And yes, I bookmarked the links to the products. I am planning to return to them after our No Spending Month is over. Ha! Actually, I want to get one for a gift for a special person in our life.

On Feeling Guilty:

I am feeling bad about not being able to go see Mother in the next couple of weeks. With our vacations recently, Dan’s “on call” schedule being chaotic, Gracie needing special attention (something is causing her to have terrible ear problems, most likely allergies as steroids seems to alleviate her problems), searching for a house (starts tonight), and appointments with a Dermatologist on August 31st, I just cannot see us getting to visit Mother anytime soon. The earliest I can see us returning to visit Mother is in September.

I have to confess that I am a little relieved. And, this makes me feel selfish. And, this in return, makes me feel bad (guilty). There is so much I want to do. I would like to work on Mom’s quilt (started on it this week) along with various projects such as finishing up the family slides (I am scanning them all in). I would also like to focus on being with Dan and on being a homemaker again. I haven’t had much time to myself since Mother’s fall back late January. I was with her for two months straight and then it was a lot of traveling back and forth. I would spend two weeks (one weekend) here and one week (two weekends) with Mother. But, that is now changing.

Anyway, I need to recoup. Dan and this house, is sorely neglected too. This shouldn’t be. Not one bit.

However, sacrifices are often made for the good of our loved ones. Mother needed me/us. And now, that things are settled, she doesn’t really need me to be there all that much anymore; although, she desires me to be there with her. She’s lonely, alone and depressed. And, that breaks my heart. What more can a daughter do for her? For the millionth time, I wish I lived closer. I wish I had the skills to take care of her. I wish… But, no matter how much I wish, I cannot change things. It is what it is. And, I feel so helpless…

On Making Personal Sacrifices

I got up early this morning. Actually, Dan woke me up. Let me tell you, it is not an easy thing for this girl to do – to immediately get up, get dressed, and out the door. I was groaning sluggard. I am used to taking my time getting out bed, taking my time waking up mentally, taking my time period. Why did I even do this?

Well, we are going to meet a Realtor late this afternoon. This Realtor is on his side of the town. By “his side”, I mean the side of the town where he works. And, this place is on the opposite side of the city. So, we decided that I should take him to work, then go pick him up and go from there to meet the Realtor. It would save him time. He wouldn’t have to come home early, pick me up, and return back to the other side of the city. It is just easier this way – for him anyway.

Speaking of getting up early in the morning, quite some years back, I did this for my Dan every morning for months on end when he was suffering from pain and tingling in his right arm from a pinched nerve. I would get up, take him to work, and pick him up. He needed to relax and not get uptight from the rush of everyday traffic. Plus, the drugs he took made him sleepy and dangerous for driving. What I did was the normal thing to do for us. Dan would have done the same for me.

At least, I thought it was the norm – that most anyone would do this for their spouse, for their loved ones. It startled me to hear from Dan that a couple of coworkers of his were surprised to learn that I would even do this for him. Even he (Dan) was surprised to hear this. One person, according to Dan, got an amazed look on his face and mentioned to him that we had a unique relationship. He was like “isn’t this what you do for the people you love and care about?” Apparently not. And, this puzzled me.

Are we really the minority? – People making personal sacrifices for the greater good and for the good of their love ones? I just don’t understand why a person would not do such a thing for the people they love and care about if it is within their means to do so. It is just puzzling to me.

On Fabric Panels

In case you don’t know, a fabric panel is a piece of cloth that has various related designs on it. Sometimes, you can find a panel of fabric that has designs you cut out and sew together to make something such as an Apron or a cloth book.

Anyway, you cut out the panels and then do whatever your heart desires with them. I purchased some Maxine fabric panels not too long ago. I cut these up yesterday and remembered why I do not care for fabric panels. A few reasons are:

1) Sometimes the panels are skewed or wonky. Three of the Maxine panels were really off – not squared at all. Frustrating. I am not sure what I will do with them now.

2) The lines of panels are never straight. You have to make do and whack off a little more than you really want to in order to make them squared up. And even then, not all the panels are the same size.

3) The perfectionist in me hates this. I am going to have to “fudge” the blocks and ultimately, the quilt in order to make it work. The perfectionist in me hates this. Oh, did I say that already?

I once had an Apron pattern panel. It was all sunflowers (I love sunflowers). I cut out all the pieces and started to sew them up. I got frustrated because the cut out pieces weren’t perfectly lining up. Instead of fudging and redoing (re-sewing) the panel patterns together, I dumped it all into a Rubbermaid container and promptly put them way back into a deep dark corner of the closet. So, there is an UFO (Unfinished Object) languishing in one of the boxes somewhere.

I am determined to NOT let this Maxine Project become an UFO. I have too many UFOs as it is. One of them is blocks, signed squares, and etc. from a block swap with many quilters all over the USA and Canada. This was way back before the year 2000 when I was involved with a quilting group via chat software. It was suppose to be a millennium quilt. Did I ever put them together? Nope.

[Am I still a part of that group? Sad to say, no. When we got a new computer way back when, we also got a firewall. For some odd reason, I could not use this chat program with the firewall. So, I lost contact with all those lovely people. I miss doing fabric and block swaps with quilters. I even met a few of them real life. It was fun. ]

Anyway, I am determined. I am going to persevere and make Mother a quilt. By the way, Maxine is her favorite character. She owns all the Hallmark ornaments ever put out (and is getting this year’s ornament). I will do this even if it drives me batty. She would love it.