Monday, March 29, 2010

A Hard Week (Update on Mother)

It was a very, very hard week. The therapists stepped up the intensity of Mother’s therapy. And, she’s not a happy woman. It didn’t help that she was sick from UTI and antibiotics. There is one portion of therapy that she absolutely hates and tries to refuse. She whines and complains the whole time.

It’s coming down the wire – she must succeed in therapy or it’s going to stop (Medicare will no longer pay for it). If it stops, she will likely never return home.

Mom was warned Thursday and encouraged at the same time of what will happen if she either refuses and/or is not a happy camper. And yet, she pitched a fit on Friday. Tried to refuse because she didn’t want to go to the ‘gym’ – she hates and maybe even fears that one portion of therapy. Both my brother and I talked with her and eventually talked her into going. It’s simply not working and there is nothing more we can do.

I was really devastated because I had hopes. I thought Mother wanted out and back home. I stayed with her trying to get her to eat, drink and keep her spirits up. I also looked out for her well-being. But lately, she’s been saying she doesn’t care. She hasn’t said that she “wants out of this place” for some time. Lord, I grieved badly Friday. Everything just came crashing down on me. Daddy’s passing over a year ago made everything rougher for us all.

I think she’s been here too long. I think the surgery was done just a tad too late; but, that couldn’t be helped because we didn’t even know it was a possibility. I think she’s gotten used to the nurses and caretakers here and no longer panics. I think she may not really want to return home because she’d be alone again. Although, she’d have somebody there to assist her if she did return home. I think she’s depressed and discouraged because of the dizziness issues she still gets. She wants to get well immediately and that’s not going to happen. It’s going to take time and she has no patience with herself.

This is the last week – the last ditch effort. If she doesn’t show improvement and/or refuses, her last day of therapy will be Friday. To be honest, I don’t have much hope that it will continue. She’ll end up in the nursing care program.

Mother is a lot stronger. She can do things for herself now. So, I’ve been slowly “withdrawing” – trying to get her used to being alone and doing things alone. If she needs help, she has to ask. I’m trying to get her to use the call button. Hopefully, the nurses and caretakers will respond to her in a reasonable amount of time.

The toughest part will be today and tomorrow – I will not be with Mother during her therapy. I am disappearing before they come and returning later in the day. I just KNOW she will have “abandonment” issues. But, there is nothing I can do about that. Hopefully, she will do well without the support of a family member present. We’ll see…

I am returning home with my Dan on Sunday no matter what happens. And, it’ll be two weeks home, two weeks here, two weeks home – on and off in the beginning. I don’t want Mother to think I’m going away to never return. And then, gradually, it’ll change to fit our circumstances.

I love my Mother. I hate seeing her decline. I just don’t like the idea of her just lying there doing nothing (which is what she’s currently does). She has no interest in life – not even playing cribbage, a game she used to love playing. She doesn’t even want to watch her favorite programs on TV.

I just wish… I wish for some things. But, life just stinks sometimes.